Tips For A Successful Company by the peon in cube 2356

  1. Do not engage in flash layoffs. These are the kind of layoffs where your peons look out the window and see a horde of people walking out of the building with white envelopes. Then they see their good friend waving goodbye to them from their refinanced car.  These kinds of layoffs cause fear and dissention within the ranks. Everyone will be wondering if their co-worker has been laid off, when in fact they just needed extra time in the bathroom.
  2. Learn how to stick with a decision. Make one decision stick with it and be prepared to defend your decision. Don’t make a decision, change your mind and then change it back again. This causes your peons to lose faith and trust in you. Remember you earn respect, just because you are at a higher level than your peons doesn’t meant they will automatically respect you.
  3. Do not hire a consultant to help you rearrange your departments if you don’t intend to rearrange your departments. This gives your peons false hope.
  4. Make sure you know everything about a company before you decide to get into bed with them. If you don’t your peons will quickly learn why they have a lower satisfactory rating than your own company.
  5. Do not hire a life coach/consultant/super awesome person to instruct the remaining few peons on how to row a boat, not to be concerned when someone moved their cheese, or how to awaken the giant within. These people cost money and cause your peons to question your sanity.
  6. If it is a duck, call it a duck. Don’t pass off another company as a sister company when in fact you plan to merge with that company within the year. Your peons are a lot smarter than that.  If you are going to merge with another company and affect hundreds of lives because of it, then tell your peons up front…they might respect you for it.
  7. Put on your common sense hat. Running a company is not rocket science, unless it is a company about rocket science.  When your common sense hat is not put on your peons have to pick up the pieces of your mistakes.
  8. Don’t forget peons have feelings too.
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