This past week I have been haunted by memories of he-who-will-not-be-named. He has been so much in my mind lately that he’s even crossed into my dreams. They were rather pleasant dreams, but I still find it disturbing that he is still somehow tied up in my head and heart. But this didn’t occur by happenstance. I am completely to blame for this week long angst fest.
One week ago today I was attending the wedding of some friends. During the reception two of my friends were discussing their work schedules for the coming week. My friends happen to work for the same company I did a few years ago where I met he-who-will-not-be-named. I have always had the opportunity to ask one of my friends about he-who-will-not-be-named, but I never wanted to go into the long story of why I was asking about him. I also knew that it probably wouldn’t be a good idea because I would end up thinking about him for a long while. The second friend recently went back to work for the company. He is familiar with the whole drama that is he-who-will-not-be-named.
As they were discussing their schedules one of my friends mentioned they were working with someone else, and I vaguely caught the name – he-who-will-not-be-named. So I started asking questions like Did you say who I think you said? Are you sure it is him? It was confirmed that it was him and I’ve been in a bad place ever since.
He is not in my life, except by proxy. He won’t ever be in my life again. I won’t even try to get him back in my life again. But to realize that after two years I still miss the jerkface is disconcerting. We were only together for a combined total of a year. His actions just had that much of a profound inpact on my life. As I thought about it more this week I also came to the realization that it was spring two years ago that he walked out of my apartment with no intention of ever returning.
It was also spring one year ago when I met and started dating the fella. Things in that situation aren’t so peachy. If things were bright and shiny with the fella would my thoughts be so wrapped up in he-who-will-not-be-named?