“You deserve much better than me”

A recent discussion with a friend brought up an interesting topic regarding relationships. I have noticed in many relationships that one or both people in the relationship think that their significant other is too good for them. In certain circumstances this could be justifiable considering how they treat each other i.e. abuse. But when both people are treating each other well I find it kind of silly when one person thinks that their better half is, well, better.

Most of these assessments as to why the other person is better are usually based on their differences. He’s a hot frat guy while I am a nerdy girl. He’s sweet while I am not. He’s much more spiritual/Christian than I am (that one nearly broke my heart when I heard a girl friend say that, and it almost warrants its own blog post). These are all just basic differences in people, like apples and oranges. Being a frat guy doesn’t make one good or better, just different. It creates diversity in the relationship. It keeps things interesting.

If one thinks that their significant other is better than them, then why are they in the relationship? Why would you want to be with someone whom you think has better qualities or comes from a better background? Shouldn’t you be looking for someone on your level?  Why would you be with someone you don’t think that you deserve?

Why do we get into the mentality that our significant other is better than us? Is just a matter of believing our significant other is perfect and that they can do no wrong, and that we are not perfect? Is it something else?  I think that it is society and the media’s fault. We read books, and watch movies that instill ideas in us that the nerdy girl shouldn’t be with or get the frat guy. So when the nerdy girl does get the frat guy, there is a sense that he is somehow better. As if he was gracing her with his attention.

What I find amusing is when both people in the relationship think that the other is better. Especially when there is not sign of being either party being mistreated. When both people think the other one is better than them, it seems to be a sign of equality. It is a sign that they are treating one another well. Each person is being cared for and loved in such a way that they don’t think that they deserve that kind of treatment.

While working on this blog I have been assessing my past relationships and my current relationship. I don’t think I ever had/have the mentality that the other person was/is better than me. I recognize that they are unique individuals with diverse needs and desires and they have various ways in how they treated me.  Some were better than others (actually it is one; one has treated me better than the others). My mentality tends more towards low self confidence thoughts of no one is ever going to want me. This can be just as problematic as thinking that a significant other is better than me.

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